(This article was written by a student who will be starting university studies in Macao this fall)
I was much more diligent than most of my classmates when I studied in senior one and two. In those two years, I put 99% of my energy into my courses, 0.85% into my meals, and 0.15 for everything else. As a result, I received good results in the senior one final examination and ranked 8th out of 52 students. I also began to excel at classroom recitation after I changed to being more active, and found that I was more popular. I even got elected to the class parliament and got more help from the teachers.
However, the main thing on my mind was my courses. No matter what else happened, that was always the main thing on my mind so I ignored opportunities for friendship with my classmates and the teachers. They were quite willing to be friendly, but I refused to become involved. On several occasions, they were hurt by my indifference. I didn’t mean to do that; it just happened before I was conscious of it.
At the beginning of the 2nd semester in senior two, I decided to become more friendly, but then got in trouble with my studies. Physics and Chemistry were both difficult. I became anxious about it and decided that studying would have to come first; friendships could wait.
During that time, I hit a really bad patch. No matter how hard I studied, I wasn’t satisfied with the results. Every night when lying in bed I was too tired to sleep, and I had headaches. In the dark, I’d ask myself why this was happening, but there was never an answer
Even though I was in a fog that semester, I was selected to be part of an experimental class, and I hoped I’d leave my troubles behind in that new learning environment. I also hoped that my old friends would understand why I had left them.
As luck would have it, however, things didn’t go as smoothly as I wanted. I had once enjoyed studying alone in the study hall, but in senior three I felt lonely when doing that even though I sat in my usual seat and looked out the same window. The same building and trees were there, but my happy feelings like the wind had blown away.
I have now finished life in the senior school, and most of my old friends will go to different places. The amount of time we’ll spend together will be very little. They may forget me one day, but I will never forget them, as I have tasted the feeling of being without friends.